My son recently called me from University and explained although he knew he was supposed to be studying for his 2nd year exams, he was really struggling to motivate himself to just get on track, to do the work and revision he knew he needed to do. My brain immediately started to tick over, desperately seeking a solution or a nugget of information that would help him get back on course. Understanding that just telling him to 'just get on with it' was not going to cut it. I suggested doing some things that he could do that were just small actions, breaking down the overall overwhelmingly large task of 'revising for his exams'.
We talked about structure to the day and putting in place tasks which once achieved would motivate him enough, through a sense of achievement, to move on to the next small task. These included ( and I know they seem basic but...) Eat and drink something, get in the shower, get dressed, make your bed, tidy your room and go out for a half hour walk with no headphones and think about the day ahead (or by then the afternoon). We talked about when he returned that he would then get his paperwork and books into some kind of order and place them on his freshly made bed. The desk would be cleared except for pens, paper and his laptop. At this point I was almost ready to guarantee that if he did all this , effectively working and moving through the discomfort he was feeling around his lack of motivation, that he would be ready to get on and do some work.
I was relieved and pleased that he later reported back to me that this had indeed really helped him, but then I wanted to really understand why? Was it that he needed me as some kind of accountability partner? What was his brain doing that had changed following actioning some initial basic steps? Was this to do with dopamine?
A while ago I came across the work by James Clear, the author of a well known book 'Atomic Habits' and in one of his articles, he wrote about the mind as being purely a suggestive engine. That all the thoughts that we have are just merely suggestions to us, (and I am guessing based on potentially the body chemistry that is being fed back to the brain about our overall well being). The article suggests that if my son was lacking in sleep and had not eaten and could quite possibly still have alcohol in his bloodstream from the night before, that this would be fed back to the brain which would then suggest to maybe take it easy today (Remember, the brain always likes to take the path of least resistance, to conserve energy in case it is needed for survival in the future!) He may also have had limited feel good chemicals in his bloodstream, no dopamine because he had not achieved anything and no oxytocin as he had not seen anyone. My conclusion therefore was that of course his mind was suggesting that he should just stay safe and in bed and not do too much today, as that is what it should be doing to protect him (until he felt strong enough in his body to go out and hunt for his next meal!). As he started to do more, he found that , his mind started to make other suggestions like, ‘actually perhaps you do have the energy to now go out for a walk or to make the effort to ask for help’? His mind started to also suggest that he may feel good about accomplishing something that he was more than capable of doing.
'Life is easier now than it has ever been. 300 years ago, if you didn’t kill your own food and build your own house, you would die. Today, we whine about forgetting our iPhone charger.
'Maintain perspective. Your life is good and your discomfort is temporary. Step into this moment of discomfort and let it strengthen you. and ' you will never regret good work once it is done'
Life is a constant balance between giving into the ease of distraction or overcoming the pain of discipline. It is not an exaggeration to say that our lives and our identities are defined in this delicate balance. What is life, if not the sum of a hundred thousand daily battles and tiny decisions to either gut it out or give it up?
This moment when you don’t feel like doing the work? This is not a moment to be thrown away. This is not a dress rehearsal. This moment is your life as much as any other moment. Spend it in a way that will make you proud. James Clear.
So we want to get good grades but sometimes struggle to put the work in. Some of us want perfect abs and toned arms but don't want to go to the gym, lift weights or do sit ups. I have often found myself feeling worse for not having done something, but never felt worse for having put some hard work in or just completing something that needed to be done, even if it was something as basic as emptying the dishwasher (third world problems!). As James Clear puts it, you cannot have the Gold without the Grind!
When you feel like giving up, just do something small and then another small thing and then another. You have then shown yourself that you have done something, you have shown up, even if you are not at your best or completed a task to your full potential. These small wins sometimes can make all the difference to how we feel.
https://jamesclear.com/giving-uphttps://jamesclear.com/giving-up
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